my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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