We're facebook friends in real life
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
