She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
