Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
