she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My vagina just recognized that song.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
