he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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