It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
BRING THE BAGELS
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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