He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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