dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
