I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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