You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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