When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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