Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
