had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
