they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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