YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Swine flu is the new snow day.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
