WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
