I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
