the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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