Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
