2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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