She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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