At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
