standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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