I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
