All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
