Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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