So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
