i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I use my feet as sexual weapons
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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