OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
