I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
