I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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