hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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