Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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