The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
