My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
