Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
