the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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