I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
