i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
