Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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