I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
