will power is for people who don't want to get laid
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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