you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
