I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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