Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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