you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
