Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
