my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
