Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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