She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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