I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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