just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
