I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
